Political Joke..or is it?
Young Chuck in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news … the horse died.” Chuck replied, “Well, then just give me my money back.” The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” Chuck said, “OK, then, just bring me the dead horse.”
The farmer said, “What are you going to do with a dead horse?” Chuck said, “I’m going to raffle him off.” The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse!” Chuck said, “Sure I can, Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, “What happened with that dead horse?” Chuck said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.” The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?” Chuck said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.” Chuck grew up and now works for the government. He’s the one who figured out how this “bail-out” is going to work.
Categories: Humor, Politics & Religion Tags:
Jokes 03-4-2009
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”
The husband replied, “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?”
He replied, “It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”
****
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.”
She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?”
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”.
****
How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
****
A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely” to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said “The sky is definitely blue”. The teacher said, “Well, that isn’t entirely correct, because sometimes it’s gray and cloudy”.
Another student says, “Grass is definitely green.” The teacher again replies “If grass doesn’t get enough water it turns brown, so that isn’t really correct either.”
Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher “Do farts have lumps?” The teacher looked at him and said, “No…But that isn’t really a question you want to ask in class discussion.” So the student replies, “Then I definitely shit my pants.”
****
A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about pussy, and their bitch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother. “Mom”, the boy asks, “What’s a pussy?”
The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says “Son, that is a pussy.” the son then asks “What’s a bitch?” The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says “Son, this is a bitch.”
The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says “Dad, what’s a pussy?” The father doesn’t want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out his Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vagina and says “Son, this is a pussy!”
The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks “Then, what is a bitch?”
The dad replies, “That’s everything outside the circle!”
Categories: Humor Tags: