Archive for April, 2009

Meet my Pet Peeves, O.C.D’s, A.D.D’s, or at least some of them …

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1. Turn signals. They have been around on most automobiles since 1939. So why do people not use them? Am I supposed to be able to read your freakin’ mind? I wonder how many people are killed each year because some dumbass didn’t use their turn signal and caused an accident. If I were a traffic cop, everyone that I saw not using  their turn signal would get a ticket. No questions asked.

2. Not driving at least the speed limit in normal weather conditions. If the weather is fine and traffic is not backing up, why in the hell do people drive 10 or 15 miles below the speed limit on an open highway? I think they do it just to get my blood pressure up. On the way to work this morning I got in behind some kid in an old hooptie. The speed limit was 55. He was driving in between 40 and 45 miles an hour with his “lean on” and talking on a cell phone. Look kid, if you can’t drive “55” when it’s stated and the weather is fine, get off the highway or at least pull over and let me pass. If my truck had Hell Fire Missiles I would have been able to drive over your slow ass debris in the highway because I would have fired both of them into your trunk … I drive the speed limit and according to you young pups, I’m the old guy. Well, catch me if you can. I’m the one that’s in front of you because I can drive the speed limit.

3. Check writers. Well, not all check writers. Only the ones that write them in a grocery check outline. And well, not all of them either. Here are the ones that crawl up my ass. Most of the time it’s a lady too, for some reason. They will have a shopping cart stacked plumb full to the top. No problem with that, we all got to eat. So she will allow the check out person to ring up all the goods first. Then she will make sure all the bags get placed correctly in her shopping cart so she can take them out to her vehicle. Then she will start talking to the check out person while she is finally getting into her purse. Then she will pull out her checkbook and look at the register on it. Then dig through her purse for a pen. All this time carrying on a conversation with the check out person. In the mean time, the line is backing up and everyone is looking at her. She finally gets a check out and starts to fill it out and takes her sweet ass time in doing it. Look lady, you are not writing a novel that someone has to “read”. Fill the thing out like you are signing an autograph and your plane is waiting on you. In other words, get on with it already … Then, before she tears it out of the book, she will go back to the register and update it and then tear out the check and hand it to the cashier. All the time never once stopping to come up for air and continuing her worthless conversation about nothing. Then she will stand there knowing that the cashier is going to ask for an ID. So she has to go back into her purse to get it out. By this time I am over the edge. Checks are old school. Use cash or credit/debit, OK? Then when all that is said and done I have lost 10 more minutes of my life to a slow ass check writer. Here is my two cents, OK? I do occasionally write checks too, but to be courteous, I have everything on the check filled out before I even get close to the cashier. The check is dated, addressed and signed. Only thing left is the amount and I also have my ID out of my wallet and in my hand. I make it as fast and painless for everyone behind me. So should you…

4. Bathrooms. Another huge pet peeve of mine. What the hell is wrong with people? Have some of you lost all respect for yourself or just forgotten how to properly and discretely go to the “bathroom”? Case in point, someone that I know is older and on a lot of meds. Big deal, smokes way too much and drinks way too much coffee, never eats right and stays sick all the time. Well, this individual apparently has plumbing issues all the time since he was so kind to share them with another friend of mine. Well, nature calls and off to the bathroom he goes. Well, he is in there giving birth and you can hear the pains of labor all over the building. <—-That’s enough for me, is it that painful or maybe that enjoyable to go to the bathroom??? That’s only the icing on the cake because apparently he got a reprise on his plumbing issues and in poker terms … he had a full house but then drew a royal flush … But as I soon discovered, apparently he wasn’t in the “sitting” position when the mountains moved. So, the bathroom has a new organic paint color. It was all over the toilet, floor, walls, toilet lid …etc… And this guy walked off and left it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF? Did he not look back at his creation to see what he had done? There was no way he could have missed it since he had missed the toilet.<—– By now I want my own bathroom. The thought of having to go in after him is totally grossing me out. In closing, a bathroom should be spotless upon you entering it and when you leave it for the next person. So clean up after yourself…

5. While we are on bathroom habits. Here is another one. Do not pass gas in front of me. I understand biology happens whether I want it to or not  but I am not interested in what has traveled the 26 feet or so through your gut, slowly degrading and fuming off. Burps are bad enough and are somewhat tolerated, but “farting” is another story. I know someone that likes to stand beside you and then encase you in his fragrance. First the sounds, then the smell. Totally gross. Please keep it to yourself or at least not in front of me. And if you are a lady, in my presence I don’t want to hear about it, be told about it, or experience it. So there…

6. Rain. No wonder people kill themselves during storms. It’s depressing a hell. I know we need the water, no doubt about it. But when it’s raining I just want to pull covers over my head and sleep. And when it rains for days it really gets bad. I hate being locked in a house during rain storms and hate getting rained on.

7. Infomercials. I pay a hefty price for cable TV. You probably do too. So why are we subjected to all the endless infomercials at night? I don’t want any of the stuff they selling and there are no good movies on at 2am with my cable service because of the infomercials. Sucks out loud.

8. OK, when I buy canned goods I have to buy them in pairs. No odd numbers are allowed. Most of the time it’s two of everything.

9. I am not a people person. I would rather be alone most of the time since I really am uncomfortable around crowds. But, when I play music I can move around the crowds comfortably.

10. I am a perfectionist. However, if I can’t do something right and get overwhelmed, I will put it on hold … Forever … or until I can get it done right.

11. When paying for food at a drive thru. If I pay in cash I will count the cash at least 3 times before I give the cashier the money and then I will count it out to them as I hand it to them. So it’s another even number thing I have.

12. I hate getting dirty or greasy. If I do, I have to take a shower as fast as I can.

13. I hate using public restrooms. I can get out of a public restroom most of the time without touching anything in there. If there are no paper towels I will pull my jacket sleeve over my hands and open the door that way.

14. Speaking of doors. I never touch a public door with my hands. I always open them up with sleeve over my hand of will use the back of my hand if I have to.

15. I hate using the store pen when I use my debit card so most of the time I will have a pen on me . If I am stuck without my own pen, I will use the store pen but will only grab it near the bottom of the pen and write real fast. Stupid I know but who knows how many sick people have touched that pen?

16.  When I go to a doctor’s office I will not touch anything that I don’t have to. I will sit in the chair and keep my hands in my pockets or folded. I also will not read any magazines they have. Once again, who knows who has handled that and I don’t want their germs. I have enough of my own…

17. When I listen to music which is pretty much every waking moment of my life. I have to intently listen to it. Meaning, I can enjoy a good song but I am paying attention to what the musicians are doing. From the melody on the Hi-hats played by the drummer to the position of the instruments in the mix”.

18. Last one for now since I have to stop on an even number. When I watch a movie, I also study everything in it. The soundtrack. The audio effects. What the actors are doing in the background if the camera is focused on a main character. I look for the rehearsed skid/black marks from car chases/crashes. I look for cameramen/equipment in window reflections/mirrors etc.

So, here are just a few and no, I am not on meds and do not believe I need to be. These are just silly quirks I have and I am sure you, the reader, have some too. Feel free to share them with us if you like …

chuck

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Posted by Chuck Gee - April 3, 2009 at 8:42 AM

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Ten Questions With Allen ‘Big Al’ Tate

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1. Hey Al, welcome to Kick Acts. Tell us a little bit about yourself.

My Tribute To Lee Ramirez

Let’s see, here’s a quick overview. I was born in Morganfield, KY but grew up in Uniontown. Took up music at the tender age of 12. I started out on trombone but switched to drums in high school. Graduated in 1988 and joined the US Air Force that summer and did two years in Germany & 4 in Colorado. I moved to Evansville in 1995 and started taking night classes. I eventually earned a BS in Computer Information Systems. I took up bass guitar in 2001 and started the band Chowder Monkey with my friend Ron Mattingly (who happens to be married to my cousin Tammy!) way back in 2003. Oh, I’ve been married since Valentine’s Day 1994 and I have a 12 year old son. How’s that for Big Al in a nutshell?

2. You play bass guitar in the band Chowder Monkey. Tell us about the band. Who is in the band and your web address.

Like I said above, I formed Chowder Monkey in 2003 with my friend, Ron Mattingly. It took us a while to get a steady lineup. You know how it is in a smaller music scene. Anyway, the current lineup is me on Bass & Vocals, Ron Mattingly on Rhythm Guitar & Vocals, Susan Ashby on Vocals, Chris Keck on Lead Guitar (and lead vox on one tune!), Sean Bingham on Drums and last (but not least) Paul Hollingsworth as our sound guy and occasional drummer. We play stuff ranging from Pat Benatar to KISS (who’d have thunk it) to Weezer to Georgia Satellites. Our web address is www.chowdermonkey.com. You can also find me on Myspace.

3. What type of gear do you use?

I have a Peavey Millenium Bass that I just love and it’s the only bass I play live. My amp is a Gallien-Krueger Backline 350 with a 4-10 cabinet. I have other basses but they’re just cheapies I use for practicing.

4. You served in the Military. What branch and got any great stories to share with us about you time in the service?

Al & KlausI was in the USAF from August 18, 1988 until April 1, 1995. The two years in Germany were very memorable. My very first experience over there was major culture shock. Do you have any idea how frightening it is to step off the airplane and no one can understand what you’re saying? HAHAHA! There are tons of stories from my time over their but there are two that really stand out. On my very first deployment, I got to drive a deuce and a half (2.5 ton truck) and pull a water tank. Anyone that’s ever hauled liquid can tell you how long it takes to stop one of these tanks. As we’re coming off the Autobahn (yes, THAT Autobahn) onto a cloverleaf, this dumbass in a Porsche cuts in front of me and locks up his brakes. I told my passenger to hang on because “I ain’t swerving!” and I locked up my brakes. That truck was bouncing up and down something fierce. I was scared to death. I hope the guy in the Porsche shit his pants! I managed to get stopped inches from his bumper. — The other story comes from another deployment where they finally gave us 6 man tents and diesel heaters! I’d pulled the 4th or 5th 12 hour shift in a row and I was exhausted. I went back to my tent and made myself a turtle on my cot in my sleeping bag right next to the heater. I don’t know how long I’d been asleep but I was awakened by my sleeping bag hitting the ground and me being dragged. Freaked me the hell out. I thought I was getting hazed. Turns out the heater caught fire and was taking the tent with it. Thanks to whomever it was that dragged me out of there.

5. Do you have any “greatest gig” stories to tell?

You know, my greatest gig doesn’t even involve either of my current bands. Anybody that knows me knows that KISS is my all time favorite band. Always has, always will be, no matter what ‘shenanigans’ they pull. Anyway, at the 2004 KISS Expo, I got to be the bass player for the unmasked KISS tribute band. It was my first time onstage as a bass player. Jim Cauley was on drums, Dave Newton on Rhythm Guitar & Vocals & Mike Fisher on Lead Guitar & Lead Vocals. We were joined on stage by Ron Keel & Bob Kulick. I have it all on video. Good stuff. (If you want a copy, holler at a brutha!) How’s that for a greatest gig. Not bad for the first time.

6. And in the same vain, got any “worst gig ever” stories to share?

The worst gig wasn’t really that bad, considering we weren’t well rehearsed and we were pressured into playing. We did a charity even opening for Ass Scratchin’ Rodeo Band at Double Dukes on a Saturday afternoon. We weren’t even a full band yet and had to beg Ron’s son Ty to sing for us. Anyway, during the first two songs, Ron was by the back door which they had opened and the heat messed with the tuning on his guitar so for the first two songs, we weren’t in tune with each other. The rest of the gig was fine. See, not a terrible worst gig — and that’s fine by me. 🙂

7. You work at the Library in I.T. and also have your own computing services. What type of services do you provide? And have you seen any ghosts at the library?

I’ve been the “IT Guy” at the Newburgh & Chandler Libraries for almost 12 years. It’s a great job. As for the side work, right now I primarily concentrate on web hosting. I also troubleshoot and fix computers if they aren’t too screwed up. No ghosts in Newburgh, you have to go to Willard Library on First Avenue for that one.

8. Who are your heroes and what inspired you to take up playing?

My dad got me hooked on rock & roll at a very young age. Both my parents are music lovers so between mom’s “old school country” and dad’s love of rock, it was inevitable that I would be a rock & roll junkie. I’d be lying if I didn’t say Gene Simmons was the reason I picked up bass guitar. He kills me on some songs when he plays an open A when he’s not singing and then when he starts singing, play something that required effort. Well, he used to be that way. Also, from the drummer point of view, I loved Peter Criss as a kid but Eric Carr was my hero! When he died, I was crushed. I was always jealous that Eric could do the double bass thing. I have shit for balance and would fall off my drum throne every time I tried that! I also have a great deal of respect for Eric Singer. Of all three drummers, Singer has always been the most consistent drummer in KISS. He’s a top notch guy to boot.

9. You are one of the two main people behind KickActs.com. What are your intentions with that and what is it all about?

Al & ChuckWhen we first started the site, it was primarily focused on reports about the local music scene and indie music but it has since grown into a site that features politics, religion, humor, music and lots of other stuff. I am very pleased with how much traffic the site gets. I also dig the feedback from most of the people who post comments. Although I really shouldn’t be, I am surprised at some of the negativity that we’ve seen posted in some of the comments. For the most part though, the site is doing well and I look forward to getting more writers on board and expanding to things like food reviews and stuff like that. If any readers have any suggestions, hit us up.

10. # 10 is called “Shout it Loud”. It’s were you get to talk about whatever you want to talk about. So go ahead Al, and “SHOUT IT OUT LOUD”!

First and foremost, I want to give a shout out to my wife & son, Laura & Ian, for putting up with my musical insanity. I’d also like to give a shout out to John Hussmann. He’s been helping me put melodies to the lyrics I’ve been writing. Eventually, I’ll have an album to unleash on the world, for better or worse. I can’t forget my homies in Chowder Monkey & Yellow Short Bus, the two bands that keep making me a better bass player.

11. Bonus Questions. You have hosted a KISS Convention or two here in Evansville. How did you get involved in that and got any great stories about it? Ever meet Gene Simmons and is he really a dickhead in person?

I did my first KISS Expo (can’t call ’em conventions since Gene trademarked it) in 2002 with Bruce Kulick as my guest. That Expo was (no pun intended) a trial by fire. Oh Mr. Wise one here had the idea that since Gene wrote Calling Dr. Love in Evansville at the Holiday Inn, what better place to hold the Expo. I wasn’t aware that the Holiday Inn had been relocated from a few miles down the road. That marketing idea was shot down the tubes. To make matters worse, I booked the venue in February on a cloudy day and the Expo was on a hot sunny day in July. The room was like a sauna with the big tinted glass roof. The sound guys didn’t show up until after the event started so everything ran late. Someone else had booked some side rooms for some kind of testing and they kept complaining that we were too loud and the Holiday Inn staff kept insisting that we turn down even though loud music was written into the rider. We didn’t turn down. I also learned a valuable lesson on the importance of advertising. The 2003 Expo was at the Marriott, I hired Curtis & Eric from Pro Audio to do sound and had a much better turn out.

I got the idea to do the KISS Expos waaaay back in 1995 when I went to the “official” convention put on by KISS. I met both Gene & Paul that day and I was very fortunate to meet them when they were “hungry” again. They were really nice and took time to talk to everyone. That doesn’t so much happen these days now that the reunion tour and the farewell tours have taken place, they’ve changed how they interact with fans. 😉

12.  You’re also a D.J. on a classic internet radio station. Give us the scoop and where we can find you online.

I do a Wednesday Night classic rock show online for Rock 1 Radio. The station plays all kinds of rock, not only classic rock. You can find us at www.rock1radio.com. I actually got my start on a now defunct Internet radio station but it really helped me hone my skills as a live DJ, although I’m still just a hack. From 1998 or 1999 until 2004, I ran a Live 365 station called Hair’s To The ’80s that played glam, rock, pop metal, heavy metal & hard rock. That’s where I learned proper encoding and ripping techniques, along with how to get screwed over after helping build Live 365 from nothing. Ungrateful bastards. Live & learn.

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Posted by Chuck Gee - April 3, 2009 at 12:01 AM

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Congrats to our March Movie Contest Winners!!

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Did you hear me say “WINNERS”?

That’s right! We here at Kickacts decided to pick 3 winners for March instead of just one! See what you missed by not entering??? You can redeem yourself by entering this month’s contest. It’s open to anyone other than the Staff at KA… And the Prizes keep getting cooler and cooler!!! So what are you waiting for, a KISS reunion? We already had that. Pluto to be named a planet again? Likely not gonna happen. The Government to admit that UFO’s really do exist? Not gonna happen. Someone finding BigFoot? Well, so far that hasn’t happened either. So you want the answers? Guess at them or google, we don’t care but play along with us alright?… And remember, everyone that enters whether they get them all right or not goes into the prize hat and the winner will be drawn from that!!!

To the Winners of March’s contest. Your stuff will be in the mail shortly!!

And here are last month’s answers. 1. B   2. C   3. A    4. C   5. C

Staff

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Posted by Chuck Gee - April 1, 2009 at 8:47 AM

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Incident At Cabela’s

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A woman goes into Cabela’s to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday.. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Cabela’s associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, ‘Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?’

He says, ‘Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.’

She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, ‘That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It’s a good all around combination; and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.’

She says, ‘It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!’ As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

‘Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,’ he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around?

The man rings up the sale and says, ‘That’ll be $34.50 please.’

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, ‘Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?’

He replies, ‘Yes, ma’am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.’

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Posted by Allen D. Tate - April 1, 2009 at 7:58 AM

Categories: Humor   Tags:

YouTube what is up with you?

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OK just a rant/question, but why is it that I can’t get the music videos I want. You know, to post them on myspace, or what ever web space I have. It usually says Embedding disabled by request, and under that is shows Contains Content From: what ever company that owns the content. (I.E. Capitol Music Group)

Why the hell are they afraid of losing money from a free sharing site? Shit, all we want to do is post a video of our favorite band or favorite song. 90% of people the post the videos for us have either got them from a site that let them get the video for free because that site already payed for it. Where is the lost money? If someone tries to make a tribute video to whoever and they use the music they payed for, a week later or so, the video gets pulled down or the auido track is pulled. What the fuck?

If you ask me this is counter productive. If there is a song on a tribute video on youtube, I will go look for that CD and most likely buy it, as will most. Oh well, I guess it will only get worse.

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Posted by Chuck Gee - April 1, 2009 at 7:55 AM

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Joke sent in by our friend David Burris

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At the end of the tax year, the IRS sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said,  “I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?”

“Good question”, noted the Rabbi. “We save them up and send them back to the candle makers,  and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.”

“Oh, okay”, replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.  But on he went, in his obnoxious way,  “What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?”

“Ah, yes”, replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question.  “We collect them and send them back to the biscuit manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits.”

“I see!” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.  “Well, Rabbi”, he went on, “What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?”

“Here, too, we do not waste”, answered the Rabbi.  “We save up all the foreskins and send them to the  IRS,  and once a year they send us a complete dick.”

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Posted by Chuck Gee - April 1, 2009 at 7:28 AM

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April’s Monthly Movie Contest

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April’s Movie questions!! Guess or Google we don’t care but at least play!!

1. “The needs of the many, out weigh the needs of a few, or of the “one”….

a. “Star Trek ” The Wrath of Kahn”

b. “Starship Troopers”

c. “The Ten Commandments”

2. “Stay on the road. Keep clear of the moors. Beware of the moon, lads”

a. “TeenWolf”

b. Night of the living Dead”

c. “Amercian Werewolf in London”

3. “Smile you Son of a Bitch”

a. “Road House”

b. “Aliens”

c. “Jaws”

4.”This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin’ around with those show folk fags.”

a. “Smokey and the Bandit”

b. “Porkies”

c. Revenge of the Nerds”

5. What did you expect? “Welcome, sonny”? “Make yourself at home”? “Marry my daughter”? You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons.

a. “For Richer or Poorer”

b. “Fried Green Tomatoes”

c. “Blazing Saddles”

That’s it!! Be sure to send your answers to chuck@kickacts.com. Include your real name and mailing address. Everyone that enters will be in the drawing for the prize whether you get them all right or not!!

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Posted by Chuck Gee - April 1, 2009 at 1:00 AM

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