“Relax its just food” introducing contributing Writer Jon Tucker

Relax its just food Okay so I was hanging with one of my female friends (the few that I can stand), and she was eating some chocolates. I kid you not every time a freakin piece of chocolate went in her mouth she was making orgasmic sounds, as if the chocolate itself was rubbing her love button. You don’t see guys eating a piece of steak and going into an orgasmic trance. My friend isn’t the first case, I have seen were a piece of candy is treated better than a dildo. I’m not a huge chocolate fan, actually I could go without. I love candy don’t get me wrong, nerds and skittles are my favorite, but when I eat them I don’t have orgasmic sounds coming out of my mouth. Men don’t understand it, gay men have an idea, and most women can’t explain it. I wouldn’t accept “I don’t know” as an answer, but no matter how much I asked I couldn’t get anything else but “I don’t know”. It’s funny, out of all the words and expressing of feelings that women do they couldn’t explain this one. I was just about to give up when a woman, who would like to remain anonymous cause of her being a woman and the nature of my writing style. So Kim thanks very much for the info. So I asked my dying question, “Why do women always give a orgasmic sound when they eat chocolate? She giggled at first and said “cause it’s almost as good as sex.” So I retorted “Okay that’s all fine and good but what about it makes it almost as good as sex?” She shrugged her shoulders and hesitated for a second. I started to fear she would give me the mindless “I dunno” answer, but then she said “it’s like an aphrodisiac, it makes me feel better, or happier, especially during my period.” Okay the thought of that was gross, but I held fast. So an aphrodisiac huh? Well I needed to test this little claim. So I bought a chocolate bar, Hershey if you must know, and was about to bite in. I almost forgot what Kim said, that it helps especially during her period. Since I myself am not a woman I have no idea what it is like to be on a period, so I had to put myself in the same mind frame as a woman on her period. First thing is first, I had to get pissed off, cause we all know that’s what happens when women get their period. Now I had to get bloated, so beans it is. Last but not least, I had to have pain in the no no area, so I had my brother kick me in said no no spot. After fifteen minutes of rolling on the ground I started to watch the Oxygen channel. That always gets me worked up. So as I’m watching the first few commercials of feminem products, I started to grow disgusted, and angry, good I was finally getting me in the right frame of mind. So I started eating the chocolate. Waited at first 5 minutes…nothing. 10 minutes went by, still nothing. Finally 25 minutes went by and still nothing. “What a joke” I thought. “Women just use this as an excuse to eat chocolate and get fat.” As these thoughts flowed through my mind, I came to a scientific understanding and pieced it all together. It must be a women thing.

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