Hey, Big Brother Beer!

Here’s a problem I’ve been dealing with recently, and I’m at a loss as to how to deal with it. My husband is currently unemployed, and has been for several months now. Anyone who has to live in the real world knows how tough it is to find a job right now, so you would think my hubby would be willing to cut himself a little slack. For whatever reason, he can’t.

He’s been really negative about himself, saying things like, “Don’t ask me, I’m just the house keeper.” He always presents these pearls of self-deprecation as humor, and then defends them by claiming he was just joking. I think there’s more to it than that. Is it possible that his lack of employment has affected his self esteem? It’s not like we’re hurting financially. I have a good paying job, and enjoy the kind of job security most people dream about. The kids like having him home, and I can’t say enough nice things about how great the house looks.

I think he should be proud to be such a great “Mr. Mom”. How do I get him to understand this?

Worried About My Man

First of all, WAMM, it’s not “possible” that your husband’s lack of employment has affected his self esteem, it’s an absolute certainty.

You seem like a very intelligent, although somewhat naive, lady. A lot of people, men AND women, take a lot of pride in their profession, and see that profession as a big part of their identity. Your husband, through no fault of his own, I’m assuming, has lost that part of his identity. Imagine if the tables were turned, and the dream job you describe in your letter disappeared. How much comfort would you take in knowing that you clean a mean kitchen, or that you’re husband “can’t say enough nice things about how great the house looks.”? Sounds a little sexist when you frame it like that , doesn’t it?

Here’s a universal truth for ya: Housework is boring, repetitive, monotonous, and most of the time, thankless work. Women do seem to make a bigger deal out of it, largely because they seem to get stuck with it the lion’s share of it most of the time (or at least they like to claim that they do). Your husband’s reaction to months of dishes and disinfectant sounds perfectly reasonable, given that whatever position he held before in the workplace probably offered at least a little more in the way of job satisfaction. If he needs to crack an occasional joke about it, albeit at his own expense, where’s the harm? At least he’s not sulking and resentful of your continued success and good fortune.

I hope that helps a little, WAMM. And kudos to you for being so concerned for your husband’s mental well-being. Also, for giving us the best acronym this column has had so far!!

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 4th, 2010 at 8:18 AM and is filed under Tell It All...To Big Brother Beer!. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.