Hey, Big Brother Beer!!

Here’s a problem that I’m dealing with. Maybe you can help.

I’m a newlywed, working two jobs, while my wife finishes college. We’re scraping by, barely, but the problem isn’t financial. It’s the constant barrage of insults and negativity from my wife.

I’m home for less than an hour between jobs, and I barely have time to shower and change clothes, let alone to clean the kitchen or mow grass. But every night I get my ass chewed for either for doing “a piss poor job” on something or for not doing something that I didn’t have time to do. She seems to think that since she’s taking classes, that I should also be doing all the house and yard work, presumably on my one day off a week. When she graduates she thinks she’ll be “making enough money to buy three guys to replace me”, although how she’s going to do this with a psychology degree is beyond me.

I’m just about at my wits end. I know that finishing a degree can be stressful, but am I out of line in thinking that she owes me at least a little gratitude? Her parents have had zero contact with her in all the years I’ve known her. The only reason she’s able to pursue her degree is my willingness to support her. But her behavior lately has given me second thoughts about everything, including our marriage.

Signed,
Tired Of This Shit

First of all, TOTS, do you want me to make you feel better, or tell you what I think you should do? Never mind. You know what? You’re gonna get both. Whether you like it or not.

First, the feel-better:

Yes, your wife’s behavior is unacceptable. No, you’re not out of line by expecting a little gratitude.

Now, the what-you-should-do:

Why you are still with this horrible woman is beyond me. Leave. Kick her out. Whatever. My first instinct was to eviscerate you for being so spineless that you felt you needed someones permission to leave this poor excuse for a female. But if your letter is accurate, then you’ve probably taken your share of ass chewings for this decade and the next one.

But then again, if you wanted to leave, you would’ve fucking done it by now.

So what am I supposed to here, TOTS?? Make you feel better about being being this awful, soulless bitch’s bitch? I don’t think that’s possible. And you don’t need permission from me or anyone else to change the water you’re treading in. Do you just want someone to feel sorry for you? You’re not gonna get that here, so why ask me?

Is it possible that the tale, if painted with the brush of reality, isn’t quite so favoring of the teller? See, That’s my guess. I think that if you gave me your address, and I showed up and put eyeballs on the situation, that your ass would be living a different lie than the one your mouth has told me here. I’m just mad that it took me this long to figure it out.

So, in conclusion, TOTS, once you’ve seen this floating in the etherwebs, if you feel I’ve misjudged you, feel free to drop me another note. But just remember: My bullshit detector gets better with age. Lucky for you this is the only letter I got this week.

Hugs and Kisses,
Your Big Brother Beer

P.S. I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this one!! All correspondence guaranteed confidential.

bigbrotherbeer@gmail.com

Hey Big Brother Beer!

I began dating this girl about two months ago. We’ve gone out once or twice a week since our first date, and have had a great time whenever we are in each others company. The problem started on our last date. She confessed to me that she’s into group sex. She’s been in bed with as many as three other partners, male and female, on multiple occasions. I tried not to act creeped out by this, but shouldn’t I be worried? These kinds of people are more likely to be carrying diseases, right? I hope you can help me with this.

Signed,
A Little Freaked Out

Jesus, ALFO, do you know how many guys would KILL to be dating a girl like this? A girl who, by the way, were she dating a more open minded dude, wouldn’t have the man in her life looking down his ignorant, prejudiced nose at her.

You say that after two months of dating, she “confessed” to you that she’s into group sex. She didn’t confess anything, ALFO, she opened up to you. She felt comfortable enough with you to share something about herself with you that, while still taboo to some, is really not that big of a deal. And just stop – just fucking stop – with the whole “these people are more likely to carry diseases” bullshit. If you were expecting me to climb up on some moral high horse and condemn this girl because her sexual proclivities aren’t grounded in the same puritanical superstitions that were the norm in the fifties, then I’m guessing, if you’re even still reading this, that you’re kinda disappointed right now. Christ, do you even read my column?

And just so we’re clear: You, my friend, are mired in willful ignorance. There is only one reason that someone would be as uninformed as you: You don’t know, and you don’t care. It’s that simple. You obviously have access to a computer, the internet, and the literally infinite wealth of information contained therein. If you had any interest whatsoever in learning about people that are different from you, you would have done it before now. So sorry if anyone thinks I’ve been too hard on you (I said “hard on”). But it’s not my job to educate. I am here to advise. And while I will advise the ignorant, I know from experience that it rarely does any good.

So break it off with this girl, ALFO, and go find a girl as willfully ignorant as you. With any luck, you can squirt out a whole gaggle of kids that will carry on your proud tradition of not knowing, and not giving a fuck.

Your Big Brother Beer

Got a question you want me to answer? Send it to bigbrotherbeer@gmail.com

Hey, Big Brother Beer!

Here’s a problem I’ve been dealing with recently, and I’m at a loss as to how to deal with it. My husband is currently unemployed, and has been for several months now. Anyone who has to live in the real world knows how tough it is to find a job right now, so you would think my hubby would be willing to cut himself a little slack. For whatever reason, he can’t.

He’s been really negative about himself, saying things like, “Don’t ask me, I’m just the house keeper.” He always presents these pearls of self-deprecation as humor, and then defends them by claiming he was just joking. I think there’s more to it than that. Is it possible that his lack of employment has affected his self esteem? It’s not like we’re hurting financially. I have a good paying job, and enjoy the kind of job security most people dream about. The kids like having him home, and I can’t say enough nice things about how great the house looks.

I think he should be proud to be such a great “Mr. Mom”. How do I get him to understand this?

Worried About My Man

First of all, WAMM, it’s not “possible” that your husband’s lack of employment has affected his self esteem, it’s an absolute certainty.

You seem like a very intelligent, although somewhat naive, lady. A lot of people, men AND women, take a lot of pride in their profession, and see that profession as a big part of their identity. Your husband, through no fault of his own, I’m assuming, has lost that part of his identity. Imagine if the tables were turned, and the dream job you describe in your letter disappeared. How much comfort would you take in knowing that you clean a mean kitchen, or that you’re husband “can’t say enough nice things about how great the house looks.”? Sounds a little sexist when you frame it like that , doesn’t it?

Here’s a universal truth for ya: Housework is boring, repetitive, monotonous, and most of the time, thankless work. Women do seem to make a bigger deal out of it, largely because they seem to get stuck with it the lion’s share of it most of the time (or at least they like to claim that they do). Your husband’s reaction to months of dishes and disinfectant sounds perfectly reasonable, given that whatever position he held before in the workplace probably offered at least a little more in the way of job satisfaction. If he needs to crack an occasional joke about it, albeit at his own expense, where’s the harm? At least he’s not sulking and resentful of your continued success and good fortune.

I hope that helps a little, WAMM. And kudos to you for being so concerned for your husband’s mental well-being. Also, for giving us the best acronym this column has had so far!!

Got a question for Brother Beer? Send it here: bigbrotherbeer@gmail.com