“I already hate that son of a bitch” is what Duane “The Dog” Chapman recently said on one of his episodes of the reality show “Dog, The Bounty Hunter”. He was refering to an “Ice” dealer named Pana that he was revoking bail on. First, I want to applaud Dog and his team for taking bail jumpers off of the streets of Hawaii. After Jack Lord died Hollywood could no longer call on Steve McGarrett and “book ’em Danno” to keep them clean so up pops “The Dog”. Have you ever watched it? His team runs around with paintball guns and pepper spray to subdue anyone that attempts to run away. I guess he is not allowed to carry weapons since he himself is a former felon and served time for a murder for which he proclaims his innocence. I can’t blame the guy there, only he and God knows the truth. So back to why I feel like he is “The Douche Bag of the week”. Ever watch the show? Well, there is a repeating pattern for every case and its almost always the same. They huddle in the office of the Da Kine Bail Bonds business and discuss who they are attempting to capture. That’s not where the problem is. What happens next is. It is so scripted. First off, he’ll chase whomever it is he is chasing. Most of the time it’s his younger sons’ that catch the “bad guy” and then Dog will come into the scene and start cussing and name calling the perpretrator like he did Pana on last night’s episode. Dog called him a mother fucking piece of scum among other things and held him by the back of his hair. The guy was already handcuffed and definitely not going anywhere. He never even put up a fight. So there was Dog, doing what he always does after the guy is safely restrained, talking smack about him. Then Dog asked Leland to put him in the truck. Dog’s wife Beth, will next talk to any wives or girlfriends of the before mentioned capturee. After that, Dog will offer the captured soul a cigarette and most times a sandwich. Then, he’ll have the captured guy call his mother and tell her he loves her. Then after all of that, Dog will get in the truck with him to give him the same speech he gives to just about everyone he arrests. I’ve been where you been bro” … and then before he is taken into the jail they pray with the guy they just ran down and captured. He does this week after week. Once again, so scripted … It’s almost like there is a Hollywood script reader there with a clip board an a ink pen saying ” Capture bad guy” check. Talk smack to him “check”. Have Leland put him/her into the truck “Check”. Beth talk with female “Check”. And every once in awhile hollering “Dog, we need a reshoot, you forgot to offer them a smoke”. So that’s why Dog is the Douche Bag of the week, not for what he does in keeping the streets clean but for sacrificing his integrity for Hollywood and money and following the same old template each week … I just wonder if the paintball guns and pepper spray would work in “Watts”?