1. Turn signals. They have been around on most automobiles since 1939. So why do people not use them? Am I supposed to be able to read your freakin’ mind? I wonder how many people are killed each year because some dumbass didn’t use their turn signal and caused an accident. If I were a traffic cop, everyone that I saw not using their turn signal would get a ticket. No questions asked.
2. Not driving at least the speed limit in normal weather conditions. If the weather is fine and traffic is not backing up, why in the hell do people drive 10 or 15 miles below the speed limit on an open highway? I think they do it just to get my blood pressure up. On the way to work this morning I got in behind some kid in an old hooptie. The speed limit was 55. He was driving in between 40 and 45 miles an hour with his “lean on” and talking on a cell phone. Look kid, if you can’t drive “55” when it’s stated and the weather is fine, get off the highway or at least pull over and let me pass. If my truck had Hell Fire Missiles I would have been able to drive over your slow ass debris in the highway because I would have fired both of them into your trunk … I drive the speed limit and according to you young pups, I’m the old guy. Well, catch me if you can. I’m the one that’s in front of you because I can drive the speed limit.
3. Check writers. Well, not all check writers. Only the ones that write them in a grocery check outline. And well, not all of them either. Here are the ones that crawl up my ass. Most of the time it’s a lady too, for some reason. They will have a shopping cart stacked plumb full to the top. No problem with that, we all got to eat. So she will allow the check out person to ring up all the goods first. Then she will make sure all the bags get placed correctly in her shopping cart so she can take them out to her vehicle. Then she will start talking to the check out person while she is finally getting into her purse. Then she will pull out her checkbook and look at the register on it. Then dig through her purse for a pen. All this time carrying on a conversation with the check out person. In the mean time, the line is backing up and everyone is looking at her. She finally gets a check out and starts to fill it out and takes her sweet ass time in doing it. Look lady, you are not writing a novel that someone has to “read”. Fill the thing out like you are signing an autograph and your plane is waiting on you. In other words, get on with it already … Then, before she tears it out of the book, she will go back to the register and update it and then tear out the check and hand it to the cashier. All the time never once stopping to come up for air and continuing her worthless conversation about nothing. Then she will stand there knowing that the cashier is going to ask for an ID. So she has to go back into her purse to get it out. By this time I am over the edge. Checks are old school. Use cash or credit/debit, OK? Then when all that is said and done I have lost 10 more minutes of my life to a slow ass check writer. Here is my two cents, OK? I do occasionally write checks too, but to be courteous, I have everything on the check filled out before I even get close to the cashier. The check is dated, addressed and signed. Only thing left is the amount and I also have my ID out of my wallet and in my hand. I make it as fast and painless for everyone behind me. So should you…
4. Bathrooms. Another huge pet peeve of mine. What the hell is wrong with people? Have some of you lost all respect for yourself or just forgotten how to properly and discretely go to the “bathroom”? Case in point, someone that I know is older and on a lot of meds. Big deal, smokes way too much and drinks way too much coffee, never eats right and stays sick all the time. Well, this individual apparently has plumbing issues all the time since he was so kind to share them with another friend of mine. Well, nature calls and off to the bathroom he goes. Well, he is in there giving birth and you can hear the pains of labor all over the building. <—-That’s enough for me, is it that painful or maybe that enjoyable to go to the bathroom??? That’s only the icing on the cake because apparently he got a reprise on his plumbing issues and in poker terms … he had a full house but then drew a royal flush … But as I soon discovered, apparently he wasn’t in the “sitting” position when the mountains moved. So, the bathroom has a new organic paint color. It was all over the toilet, floor, walls, toilet lid …etc… And this guy walked off and left it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF? Did he not look back at his creation to see what he had done? There was no way he could have missed it since he had missed the toilet.<—– By now I want my own bathroom. The thought of having to go in after him is totally grossing me out. In closing, a bathroom should be spotless upon you entering it and when you leave it for the next person. So clean up after yourself…
5. While we are on bathroom habits. Here is another one. Do not pass gas in front of me. I understand biology happens whether I want it to or not but I am not interested in what has traveled the 26 feet or so through your gut, slowly degrading and fuming off. Burps are bad enough and are somewhat tolerated, but “farting” is another story. I know someone that likes to stand beside you and then encase you in his fragrance. First the sounds, then the smell. Totally gross. Please keep it to yourself or at least not in front of me. And if you are a lady, in my presence I don’t want to hear about it, be told about it, or experience it. So there…
6. Rain. No wonder people kill themselves during storms. It’s depressing a hell. I know we need the water, no doubt about it. But when it’s raining I just want to pull covers over my head and sleep. And when it rains for days it really gets bad. I hate being locked in a house during rain storms and hate getting rained on.
7. Infomercials. I pay a hefty price for cable TV. You probably do too. So why are we subjected to all the endless infomercials at night? I don’t want any of the stuff they selling and there are no good movies on at 2am with my cable service because of the infomercials. Sucks out loud.
8. OK, when I buy canned goods I have to buy them in pairs. No odd numbers are allowed. Most of the time it’s two of everything.
9. I am not a people person. I would rather be alone most of the time since I really am uncomfortable around crowds. But, when I play music I can move around the crowds comfortably.
10. I am a perfectionist. However, if I can’t do something right and get overwhelmed, I will put it on hold … Forever … or until I can get it done right.
11. When paying for food at a drive thru. If I pay in cash I will count the cash at least 3 times before I give the cashier the money and then I will count it out to them as I hand it to them. So it’s another even number thing I have.
12. I hate getting dirty or greasy. If I do, I have to take a shower as fast as I can.
13. I hate using public restrooms. I can get out of a public restroom most of the time without touching anything in there. If there are no paper towels I will pull my jacket sleeve over my hands and open the door that way.
14. Speaking of doors. I never touch a public door with my hands. I always open them up with sleeve over my hand of will use the back of my hand if I have to.
15. I hate using the store pen when I use my debit card so most of the time I will have a pen on me . If I am stuck without my own pen, I will use the store pen but will only grab it near the bottom of the pen and write real fast. Stupid I know but who knows how many sick people have touched that pen?
16. When I go to a doctor’s office I will not touch anything that I don’t have to. I will sit in the chair and keep my hands in my pockets or folded. I also will not read any magazines they have. Once again, who knows who has handled that and I don’t want their germs. I have enough of my own…
17. When I listen to music which is pretty much every waking moment of my life. I have to intently listen to it. Meaning, I can enjoy a good song but I am paying attention to what the musicians are doing. From the melody on the Hi-hats played by the drummer to the position of the instruments in the mix”.
18. Last one for now since I have to stop on an even number. When I watch a movie, I also study everything in it. The soundtrack. The audio effects. What the actors are doing in the background if the camera is focused on a main character. I look for the rehearsed skid/black marks from car chases/crashes. I look for cameramen/equipment in window reflections/mirrors etc.
So, here are just a few and no, I am not on meds and do not believe I need to be. These are just silly quirks I have and I am sure you, the reader, have some too. Feel free to share them with us if you like …