Unstimulating Stimulus Check

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Dear Madam Hawk,

My stimulus check didn’t stimulate my old lady at all. I tried to rub it all over her the other night after the Lion’s Club auction and she just turned over and went to sleep. The next day she got up early and got all dolled up and left with the check. She even put her good teeth in. What’s a guy to do now?

These Heels Have Thighs

Dear These Heels Have Thighs,

Don’t you know that rubbing her with an uncashed check means squat these days? As the saying goes “Bring home the money honey!” Looks like you won’t be getting gummed anymore. One way to control the situation is hide her teeth! About the check, at least something got blown. As for stimulating, ask her when she gets home.

Madam Hawk